Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
