oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
