What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
