Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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