youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
