he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
