i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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