There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
