just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
