even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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