This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
