2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
