the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
