the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
