ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My Higher Power is John Stamos
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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