You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
