Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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