Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
