Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Every concussion has its silver lining
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
