She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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