Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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