apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
