I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
