I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my being single is dangerous.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
