this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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