I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think my fart just growled at me.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
