Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
