Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
