And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
