Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
