are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
