Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
