i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
