So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
