I think I won the penis lottery.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
