he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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