i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
