Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
