Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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