I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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