Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
