I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
