Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
