In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
did you just send me my own nude
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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