when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
