When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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