i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
