someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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