Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
