I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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