Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
