So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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