I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
