if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
