I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
