I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
