i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
