please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
