I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
