then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
