Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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