Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
