I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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